Poetry: nature writing book titles they won’t publish

My life inside a snail shell
The Funguy: How suggesting I’m into psychedelics made me interesting to other people
Living in a badger sett for 15 minutes and other memories
Dog poo diaries: a guide to chucking bags at trees
Memoirs of a sexist birder: volume 9 and still they won’t edit me
Seagull: a day in the life of Britain’s most hated white thing
See no weevil: My failed journey through Britain’s beetle populations
Guided by porpoises: I read all the field guides so you don’t have to
Howling like a Woolf: Bloomsbury only publish you if you’re privately educated or on TV
Grassways: wild lines
So sewer me: a rat’s tail
Chasing ground nesting birds: a dog’s tale
Urban city wild jungle street town nature adventure chronicles
Human nature: my vague explanation across 220 pages for why I am natural
Human naturer: the sequel to the one above, this time with references to that one
The Tree: they asked me to write something about trees
Roamania: the year I walked on every inch of England
Man chop wet wood, make fire eventually: my attempts to inject some much-needed masculinity into the nature scene
Hedge fund manager: a guide to raising money for conservation projects
Windy Cindy: the day I got blown away by a tweet someone wrote about the weather
T O X I C: I ate all the poisonous plants so you… don’t… hav–